Dear polygraph machine: Pretend you don’t know me so well, I won’t tell if you lie.

March 1, 2006

Did I mention that brutal honesty is in in 2006? I’m caught in utter denial but I’ve always known, so that probably doesn’t even count as denial. I’ve been telling myself “meet new people” or “try to find an interest in just about anybody” in attempts to get over you. And I know that that seems irrational and immature and incredibly pathetic. And I’m always trying so hard not to look so desperate, to no avail. My ideas aren’t always the best. Or the most intelligent. I just desperately need to find a way to make any feelings I have for you somewhat neutral. But nobody I’ve ever met compares to you or every aspect I admire about you. And I despise the fact that you inspire paintings, sketches, journal entries and any and every ounce of creativity I possess. And the fact that you haven’t and may never feel the same about me. It hurts, but if I’ve learned anything in the month of February, it’s this: God has a plan for me and has my perfect mate in mind, and will intercede at the perfect time because He is perfect. So I guess my prayer requests will consist of: patience, strength, guidance, and to continue to keep Him in focus and as top priority as I live the life He’s given me the privilege of living. But you’ll constantly be in my prayers. And dreams. At least for now. And we all know that I know that you know that this is to you. Subtlety is so 2005. Pleasedon’tkillorhateme. I just want to get all this out in the open. I’ve got hopes that this entry won’t be regrettable.If anything, just

don’t believe a word I’ve said because I think I’m high off this cough medicine.

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