(Dis)re-guarded tramp-led (h)ear(t)s. (i dont mean a word.)

July 29, 2006

sometimes you spend every waking moment and most sleeping ones thinking and wishing and dreaming about one heart, one person. and the years pass. they let it slip, or you do. God knows where it all begins or ends. but as it falls to pieces, you keep grabbing and collecting them not like for a museum of artifacts that once mattered, but like you’re going to put those broken pieces back together. except there are always a couple pieces missing each time.

breathe deep. slow your (un)beating heart. these winding roads in your mind confuse. remember a time before you always felt like this. try to remember, drix. you want it to be simple. you make it complicated. sometimes i wish i could re-engineer the single path from my heart to the tip of my tongue and let my head have a chance to(o). i haven’t any huge dreams or wishes, i just want to be at least “okay.” but then it all comes down to my word versus your word versus the world’s word and i dont think i want to anymore. im tired and worn. my head’s full, and my eyes empty.

when I wake up at the crack of noon, the world’s blurry. it barely comes in and usually stays out of focus. this is when its at its worst. awake from dreams of you to realize that none of it was real, possibly ever. spend late nights eating ungodly amounts of ben & jerry’s chocolate brownie ice cream and watching fresh prince or saved by the bell reruns with that frankie j record playing in the background.

i’ll let this eat at me for five more seconds and I’ll willingly stop the moping and find my feet. this feeling won’t last forever and I won’t let it. start smiles in five. four. three. two. one.



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