Cantgiveupthedream. (she will destroy me.)

August 14, 2006

what’s the opposite of amnesia? because that’s what I have. because sometimes I can’t find my way around my memories. always having to take different routes. and I think you were the best one. its like it was never really going anywhere, with innumerable breakdowns but really, it made for the best trip. I’m completely out of place (everyw)here. and at the same time not. its like it always was. I am always on the verge of love or giving up. or that’s at least what I’ve convinced myself of today — tomorrow it will be something else. I’ve got aluminum foil on my bedroom windows to block the heat and sun. but at night, it blocks out any amazing views of the moon and stars. I long to marvel at the pulchritude of your smile and eyes and being, but I don’t want to get burned. and I think I’m all sorts of crazy. maybe I’ll just go to sleep and wake up ten years old in a shabby house in valinda.

because how could any of this be real.

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