Koinonia/Starting anew.

September 17, 2007

Long drives in solitude, beautiful scenery, contemplation, meditation, and a Chris Tomlin, Charlie Hall, MercyMe, and Jimmy Needham mixtape. Epiphanies of how this life should be lived and who it should be lived for. The need for unity and fellowship. And sometimes you realize these things when it’s entirely too late.

Koinonia. But I make trainwrecks out of relationships. Hoping with all my heart that they aren’t irreparable. Regretful of every time I let my emotions get the best of me, and that’s precisely why I’m giving this all up. (As well as so many other things.) Never wanted to ever be cliche. Especially the Christian kind, with their repetitive phrases and overused verses. But maybe it’s good to be. Cliches are cliches because they’re usually true. And the Christian ones are always incredibly encouraging. Always known to be the emotional one. The intellectual one. The creative one. The imaginative one. The cultured one. The secular music lover. Praying that someday, years from now, that every moniker would be dropped; replaced. With adjectives like bold, kind, encouraging, happy, Godly. This is me working with God to work on me, because I hate myself and what my ideals and personality have become. This is me apologizing to everyone I’ve wronged. This is me completely independent on any person, and completely dependent on Him and the inspired Word. This is me striving and growing to be the person I should’ve been all along.

Please disregard everything I am/ever was.

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