final season

May 26, 2009

she had a history of killing herself
and i had a habit of dying
i think she gave me something to live for
i guess i helped her pass the time
i never saw her leaving me once
and she never felt me beside her

just like lauren conrad, i’m dunzo

“Am i in pain? Hell, yeah. but I’ll tell you something, I thrive in pain. I love pain. To me, pain is not pain at all. No… It is pure pleasure. And I hate pleasure… almost as much as I love pain. So yeah, I’m in pain.” – Dwight Schrute.

“we got older, but we’re still young, we never grew out of this feeling that we won’t give up.” ten years and best friends means i pulled the trigger. this is me finally giving up trying to fight for us and this friendship, and you quite possibly attempting to finally start? either way, it doesn’t matter because you are the best at replacing people. we’ve made unforgettable memories, and i won’t take that for granted. separate ways, separate interests, separate lives. and is this truly moving on, letting go, letting God? of course, a certain amount of prayer is still going into this, as well as my full trust in Him. also, katrina tuason and jeremie anne quilala are my heroes. sometimes its like forget everyone else, but then again, i’m incredibly picky. finding out rach was in socal this weekend through twitter didn’t make me feel any better about how my relationships with people are. to add on to that, my own sister didn’t want to ride with me to pick up food. everything kind of hurts right now.

lighter notes; man, it’s awkward sharing tables with strangers at starbucks. i tripped over his cord and unplugged his laptop which made it all the more awkward. haha. wth, they are playing cold war kids here? nice. and there’s an indie chick painting her fingernails blue out the window. just downloaded the best of lionel richie and can’t wait to put “all night long” on repeat. this entry is bipolar. i’m not. the entry is.

i think i’m dying/dead inside
and it’s weird, but in the shower, you can’t tell if you’re crying or not

ps. btw, if you’re confused, some of this was written earlier, and some written later