honesty hour

August 8, 2012

Avengers Youth Camp was a blessing, although I never quite know what to do with that spiritual high. A part of me knows that that’s exactly what it is — something temporary if not built upon — and as much as I want to at least gain momentum from that, it’s hard to keep it consistent. I guess that’s where prayer should come in. Matters of the heart and gray areas and Christian freedoms and this obligation (though it shouldn’t be) to have to live a certain way can be so confusing though. And it isn’t a question at all who I should pray TO, it’s just the fact that I don’t even know what to pray FOR anymore. I know I’m blessed, I know my faith is solid. It’s just a weird time for me right now and as I’m reading Crazy Love, I kind of despise the fact that I might be taking advantage of this Grace. And I also despise the fact that I’m not really taking that last fact as motivation to change.

Sidenote: Oh, and PCC BP, just when I’m starting to miss you, you give me so many reasons not to. Anyway, that’s all.