R.I.P. Robin Williams

August 12, 2014

“O Captain! My Captain! Rise up and hear the bells. Rise up, for you the flag is flung, for you the bugle trills.”


shit to blog about

August 8, 2014

Sdcc, Christianity, Nick Thune on You Made It Weird, Guardians of the Galaxy, insensitivity, etc.

discouragement blog

July 10, 2014

Haha, this blog (my previous blog – hashtags and ampersands) was supposed to help me delve deeper into the positive and optimistic aspects of my life and way of thinking, but all it’s really doing is revealing more and more the cynical, jaded, and realist side of me — so we’ll just go with that from now on instead of isolating certain ideas into “good thoughts” and “bad thoughts” categories. Hoping that my life inspires writing that IS hopeful and happy, but ultimately I just want to write, as genuinely as possible, because honestly, who’s going to read and reflect on this drivel except for me.


June 16, 2014

I listen to the musicality and lyrical content of hardcore bands like Thrice or Being As An Ocean or The Beautiful Mistake, and I constantly find myself moved and motivated to live a more spiritual life — or at least continue my search for the Father/Creator/Savior God that THEY revere. Their lyrics, their struggles in life, their hope, and their loving God seem more real than what I’ve heard in most Christian music for some reason.

practicality vs. dreams

February 12, 2014

Life is really weird lately. Like a really good, yet difficult weird. I turn 30 tomorrow (shudder) and you’d think that all the big decisions I would’ve had to make would’ve been decided before this point. Or that certain options would no longer be available so I’d be free to live out the rest of my days comfortably and routinely. Of course, such is not the case. Hoping and praying I don’t blow this/these shot/s.

water colors

February 10, 2014


Learned to properly watercolor tonight. I’m feeling accomplished and happy to have found a new medium to express my ideas and creativity. Hopefully I’ll get to do it often.

Photo cred: Tesia

enjoy your burrito

February 2, 2014

“Enjoy your burrito” is a phrase that’s said at the end of every Nerdist podcast, but it wasn’t until last November that I finally found out what it actually meant. I stumbled upon Nerdist podcast #39 (The most current podcast is #473) featuring Rainn Wilson, who plays Dwight Schrute on the Office and is the creator/founder of Soul Pancake.

Hilarity and ridiculousness is littered throughout the podcast, but spirituality, contentment, and happiness — the different types of happiness, how to attain it, the definition of it in modern culture, etc. — eventually become the topic. Rainn speaks of a profound type of happiness, a connectedness that he’s not expecting or sometimes even aware of. He mentions past happiest moments, one for example, fishing with his son. He didn’t know it was one of the happiest moments in his life at the time; this was a realization in retrospect. There were so many interesting and substantial moments regarding this podcast: How do you connect particular dots in life to achieve that final product, to attain a type of “human flourishing”, a constant learning and growing experience of well-being?; among others.

At the 00:56:06 mark, Jonah Ray (one of the Nerdist co-hosts) talks about moving to LA from Hawaii to pursue acting and comedy, but unfortunately finding very few opportunities for work. At this point, he wasn’t moving forward career-wise and felt depressed because of his current situation.

He’d go to his favorite burrito place for lunch — After eating half of his burrito, he’d get disappointed because the burrito was almost finished, and he’d have to go back to his depressing life. So he created for himself a thought process: Yes, the burrito is almost done, but it isn’t done yet, it’s still here, you still have it. Enjoy it. Enjoy the present. We’re always waiting for the next thing to happen. But don’t let expectations or things that might happen take away from what you’re happy with in this moment.

Enjoy your burrito one bite at a time, then apply that mindset to whatever comes next.

Will edit later… Date night with Tesia. Sonic. Frozen. Steamer’s. Sinners. Amazing philosophical and nonsensical conversations. A really good night.

text message break-ups

October 5, 2012

So I tried to cut off Katrina the other night through text, for various personal reasons. But I’m thinking she caught on and won’t let it happen. She’s now interested in just about every facet of my life. But I don’t want that. She wants to continue being friends, except now she’s going to omit certain things, and I think that’s worse than not talking at all. Maybe phasing out will work better than cutting off. Going with her to see Perks tonight in Brea though, we’ll see how that goes.

“But the world is so full of people , so crowded with these miracles that they become commonplace and we forget… I forget.

We gaze continually at the world and it grows dull in our perceptions. Yet seen from another’s vantage point, as if new, it may still take the breath away.” 

honesty hour

August 8, 2012

Avengers Youth Camp was a blessing, although I never quite know what to do with that spiritual high. A part of me knows that that’s exactly what it is — something temporary if not built upon — and as much as I want to at least gain momentum from that, it’s hard to keep it consistent. I guess that’s where prayer should come in. Matters of the heart and gray areas and Christian freedoms and this obligation (though it shouldn’t be) to have to live a certain way can be so confusing though. And it isn’t a question at all who I should pray TO, it’s just the fact that I don’t even know what to pray FOR anymore. I know I’m blessed, I know my faith is solid. It’s just a weird time for me right now and as I’m reading Crazy Love, I kind of despise the fact that I might be taking advantage of this Grace. And I also despise the fact that I’m not really taking that last fact as motivation to change.

Sidenote: Oh, and PCC BP, just when I’m starting to miss you, you give me so many reasons not to. Anyway, that’s all.

I was reading a few blogs on Blogger and WordPress earlier, and it’s amazing how many people still write for themselves — not for comments or reblogs or “likes” — about their lives, their experiences, all in explicit detail. Long, intelligent, beautiful passages. Imagine that!

After being on Tumblr for so long, you forget that there are more substancial topics to write and read about. You forget that you yourself were capable of writing about such things. Our dashboards are filled with reblogged beautiful photos and art and quotes and excerpts from books but most times, they’re just things we like, not objects that will recall memories of certain situations and experiences in life. Emphasis on the word “most” before some of you crucify me, because who am I to say what you might be able to recall or not recall, because honestly, one song lyric could mean the world at times.

I also feel that many on Tumblr cater to their followers and friends, making sure they’re percieved a certain way. I’ve been guilty of the same “crime”, in a sense, picking and choosing my words, my photos, omitting certain insights or opinions to avoid judgement or gain more “likes” or reblogs. But it’s difficult; we actually DO have to censor ourselves because we know exactly who’s following and reading our posts, as well as how each might react. It’s such a far jump from how I used to blog, when it was all strangers reading each others heartaches, venting sessions, or joyful moments. I wore my heart on my sleeve then, without fear, although I don’t really know which is better, bottling certain things up, or letting it all out.

This isn’t a post to impose some kind of condescension upon Tumblr members, but to convey an appreciation for those who genuinely write from the heart, without a longing for affirmation from either friends or strangers. I’ve also hoped that might be an inspiration to those who have only known Tumblr, to explore, read, learn, write, and appreciate beyond what they know Tumblr to be, because there are some incredible text-based blogs, not just on Blogger or WordPress, but even on Tumblr as well. They’re just hard to find, and even when we do stumble across one, we aren’t inclined to click the “follow” button.

Thrice farewell show at Club Nokia, LA.  Allen Stone at the Observatory, OC. Dashboard Confessional at House of Blues Anaheim. Childish Gambino at the Palladium, LA.

cuckoo for cocoa puff

June 2, 2009

swimming in wishing wells, and they make padded rooms for white jacket thoughts such as these. things to never give me in the middle of a crowded night with crowded ideas and tired eyes: energy drinks or loaded guns or loaded tongues or internet access and a keyboard. it all kills me one way or another. and funny, we are all still trying to come to life. resurrection, but not — because it isn’t defined that way if we’ve never lived in the first place. so just… surrection? And these blogs are just love/hate letters, sometimes to ourselves. leaning a little towards the latter lately because I don’t know what’s wise or what isn’t and maybe that’s because its about full trust in Him. learning, living. i know this entry sounds dark at times, ominous even, but it’s the opposite. i’ve got a glowing face, and not just because i’ve got a laptop in front of me in a pitch black room. it’s something indescribable and intangible and i’ll leave it at that. why do people read this blog when i make it a point to make it decipherable to only me.

my computer still has that new computer smell

i hate when you’re typing and there’s a red line under “misspelled” words

is there anyone who didn’t go to the st. vincent show tonight at the el rey? or am i the only one argh jealous

tattoo ideas: gryffindor crest, all you need is love, polar bear, jellyfish, astronaut, mustache finger, aj’s forbidden “friut” drawing, hendrix is for lovers, that chinese good luck cat, sleeping beauty castle, africa, “good nite” knuckles, bomb, i <3 mom, i appreciate brand new, various quotes from the office, butterfly–lower back, abigayle ancheta

faye debut vid from sean marron on Vimeo.

club love video re-make, and we pay homage to the 4-chord tribute made by jasmine rafael, cathy nguyen, marc zapanta, aj rafael, randolph permejo, & rb all in one take, ‘cuz we is dope like dat. & my countless hours of guitar hero have obviously paid off, so booyah to you naysayers

happy 18th birthday faye, we love you

final season

May 26, 2009

she had a history of killing herself
and i had a habit of dying
i think she gave me something to live for
i guess i helped her pass the time
i never saw her leaving me once
and she never felt me beside her

just like lauren conrad, i’m dunzo